I’m not sure what I think about being 30. I still get most people who try to guess my age as being late teens/early twenties. I don’t feel like an adult. I know that logically I’m an adult, I work hard, pay bills, my idea of a great night off from work is doing something quiet at home; reading, writing, playing Sims 4, or watching TV/Movies. A once in a while treat for a night out is seeing a show at the local arts center. Our idea of a nice vacation is going hiking and catching up on housework.
Mostly I don’t look back too fondly on my twenties, and I’m not sure why. A lot of great stuff happened in the last 10 years:
- 20: Got promoted to assistant deli manager, realized: “hell, no”
- 21: Got married, started college
- 24: Brought home Max, the best cat ever
- 25: Finished college, started writing a novel/ thought of myself as a writer for the first time, got Mandy
- 26: Started working in my first library job, bought a house
- 27: Started working in my second library job, thus leaving the job that spurred me onto going to college
- 28: Lost Max — still devastated
- 29: Got Hinata, finally finished the first draft of that novel … again.
Our general quality of life is better than it was. Not great, but decent. We eat better food. We have a much bigger living space, a more reliable car. Cats.
I think that the twenties felt like a waiting period, that time had to pass so that the rest of life could begin. Or, maybe I’m just hoping every year that the next one will be better.
Still, there’s so much I’d like to do in my thirties:
- Go to grad school for an MLIS
- Finish a novel, or five
- Get a full time job at one library (potentially keeping the other one on a smaller part time basis for a few years)
- Pay off all that schooling (hence the need for the part time job)
- Start to renovate this ancient house (another use for that other job)
- Get a dog
- Kid(s)???? Really not sold on this last one yet.
My friends are all getting married, having kids, and slowly, slowly getting too busy to visit with. It’s not for lack of trying, but when you have to arrange things around grocery shopping, nap times, and all our insane work schedules, it’s just really hard. And none of us have the energy needed to plan something out like that, and even when we do, it all comes down to last minute because of work, and other commitments coming up. That stable 9 – 5 job that you can depend on the hours for is a myth.
I feel like I know who I am, and what I want to do. I’m on that path now, I’ve started walking it, but it feels like such a long path that I’ll never get there. It still feels like more time has to pass before I’ll start living the life I want to have, as a published author and an actual librarian.
I feel optimistic about the future, in an ‘it has to get better, because it can’t get much worse’ way, but really, things aren’t that bad. There’s still a lot I want to do, but there’s a lot I’ve done already.