I’ve been trying to read Game of Thrones for over a year. My first attempt, I quit three times within the first few hundred pages. We tried watching the show, but our blu-ray player (PS3) stopped playing blu-ray. My second attempt is listening to the audiobook. I’m almost to the point where I quit for good the first time I tried reading it, and thinking about just stopping again. I’ve been listening to this off and on since the summer.
The detail is great, the characters are realistic, the setting and stories are well written and richly intertwined. I just can’t get through it. I couldn’t figure out why either, until I read something that was linked on twitter by an editor. (Of course now I can’t find it.) It was about the difference between YA and literary fiction. Generally, literary fiction is dark with irredeemably flawed characters. It’s realistic, sure, but in YA there are also dark themes and flawed characters but it also has a moral center.
That sense of hope, a hint of the possibility for a happy ending is what Game of Thrones lacks. That’s why I stop reading it. When you throw a 7 year old off a tower, when you ambush a man in the streets only to let him live, but kill all his men instead because he might be discovering that you threw his 7 year old off his tower, that’s when I get lost. I read to escape the harsh realities of life, (not that my life is anywhere near that bad, but still).
When explaining this to a co-worker, the last thing I said to her was, “I grew up on Disney! I expect a happy ending!”
And I think that about sums it up. Game of Thrones won’t have a happy ending (I’ve heard enough spoilers to know that just about everyone dies, so I don’t want to get attached to any characters. The few characters who do survive you’ll never know which side their on, and there really aren’t sides anyway. There is no black or white, good or evil. Everyone is out for themselves, and that’s it.) and I can’t deal with that.
It makes me want to reread Harry Potter, where there is darkness and death, but there’s also love.
On lunch today at work I read an article in a magazine, which basically showed that a few of my problems would be solved by getting more sleep at night. Then I thought, that would be awesome, but I barely have time for everything now. Well, really, I don’t have time for anything now. It feels like all I do is work and sleep.
I know I don’t get enough sleep. I’m always tired. It’s not my thyroid, it’s the lack of any downtime. The little I do get, I squander away online because my brain is too fried to do anything creative. I haven’t written anything since about August.
I have tons of plans, plenty of hobbies to do. I also have a lot of housework that is always neglected. My husband is in no better shape than I am for helping, he works just as many hours in a much more physically demanding job.
I daydream about having a normal 40 hour workweek (or even just having one job!) and actual weekends. You know how much I could get done with an extra 5 – 13 hours every week! Dishes! Laundry! Actually putting the clean clothes away, and maybe even folding the towels. Cooking a dinner of real food. Making something other than frozen mac and cheese for lunch.
I don’t ask for much, just some basic things.
Most stories begin at the beginning, but in a lifetime, what’s the beginning? There is none, not really. You could say the beginning of a lifetime is when you’re born. Except, there were events that lead up to your birth. If you follow the trail back far enough you’ll get to the beginning of the universe.
Over 14 billion years is a long way to go back just for an introduction.
I’ll just start with now then. Yesterday was my best friend’s baby shower. It was the first day off I’d had in two weeks and I was glad for the chance to see a lot of my friends there. We chatted and caught up, but I couldn’t help but feel out of place at the end of the table.
It’s not unusual for me to feel out of place. It’s pretty normal, really. I’m an introvert, even with my friends I’m not comfortable in crowds. What was making me feel like I stood out was the fact that it was a baby shower. We were at the party for a pregnant woman, there was another pregnant friend at the table with her third baby. Two others were just deciding to try for a baby. The other at the table has a stepson and is thinking of kids in the short future.
My husband and I were just like, “we have a new kitten.” Continue reading